“Where have you been my whole life?”
“Becoming the person you needed me to be.”
Friday August 5, 2016
All the people I work with left to go to Zermatt, where the Matterhorn lives.
But I am here. Alone.
I just want to crawl up on the roof in the beautiful rain storm and feel the rain soak through my clothes and wait until the rain ceases and sun creeps back out and the rainbow appears.
I truly do love the rain. I sometimes wonder if I was a mermaid in my past live… And now I am a mermaid much too far from the ocean.
It may be my last weekend in Switzerland and already found a place where I want to spend my last weekend.
Tomorrow morning, I get to go back to Luzern 🙂 This time only for a little over 24 hours… Totally worth the $150 franc roundtrip train ticket. How do you go back to being strangers with someone who has seen your soul? One more night with this kindred spirit.. one more adventure to far off mountain peaks. Whats a summer without a little love?
Travel love is its own thing. A crazy kinda thing. Indescribable… I have my other Swiss German “friend” to thank for the ability to relish this kind of craziness… I fell for him when I worked at the hostel in San Diego and he was traveling through.. After 2 weeks of flirting, we finally allowed ourselves to let it happen.. the night before he flew off to Hawaii with his friend.. but he flew back from Hawaii twice to spend time with me, in pursuit of spending time with a kindred spirit during the short time that was available and living it up for those 3 months, I thought it was crazy at first, but realized it was beautiful, the stuff of fairy tales, the stuff of a little girls dreams, we only have this one life and if you find someone you connect with, grab that opportunity and hold on and enjoy…And knowing that me and my friend in Luzern only have this little bit together, because we both have our lives on the opposite side of the world… I will enjoy the short time we have and, maybe, if it is meant to be, something will work out… but I have a story to tell and a new fire ignited in my heart and my soul frolicking, lighter than air…It doesn’t have to be complicated cuz I know its not a forever thing, just a here and now thing. It’s perfect.
Yet, at the same time, my heart is ablaze with a desire for adventure. Europe is too perfect, too pretty, too clean, too safe… especially Switzerland. It is gorgeous, pristine, surreal…. It’s beauty beyond words… straight from a fairy tale…
I need rustic. I need wild and untamed. I need a challenge. I need dirty streets and real life. I have been looking on Workaday.com for different jobs to take that would enable me to stay on one of the islands, working 5-6 hours a day in exchange for a free place to stay and sometimes meals… There are plenty of guesthouses, teepee “resorts”, “backpacker’s oasis” type places, and even an absinthe distillery. I applied to some of these, but also to some of the schools.
I have always loved children. Working closely with them, getting to know them, comfort them, hug them, make them laugh…
The kids at this summer camp blow my mind. Their families are quite well off and I hear stories of them jetting off to Paris or Cancun or the south of France or Portugal or Greek Islands on the weekends…
I want to go to the kids that have nothing. I want to go back to the basics. I want to see their smiles. I want to see what makes them smile. I want to braid their hair. I want to give them hugs. I want to see where their imaginations take them. Untouched by the craziness out there.
And these places have no internet. Little to no electricity. Tiny villages. Vulnerable. In their ways, yet welcoming.
The villages with schools looking for English speaking helpers. the guesthouses and teepees. Off the grid living.
I want to learn to make REAL curry too. I want to swim in that shimmering crystal clear waters and trek through the jungle and make children laugh and hear the stories of the local families and learn how to say “love” in Khmer and bathe in the pools below waterfalls..
I need it.
I always get these crazy ideas. I pursue them… not all of the time do I actually follow through though…
And I pause and wonder, as I always do when I get these wild ideas, am I also running from something? Is that why I am making such an crazy leap?
I know when I start to fall for someone I tend to run away, sabotage everything. Is this why I feel the urge to run far, far away? Remain unattached, unhurt, alone, my heart safe and my own.
I should continue on through Europe. I should stay on the same continent. I saved up money to come HERE anyway… And there is so much more to explore here.. but to be honest, Cambodia excites my heart moreso than any flawless place in Europe.
Cambodia is quite the detour…
But I tend to do crazy things.
And I am sure it will be hard there in Cambodia. Hard to see all the rawness around me. Scared and intimidated walking the streets alone there. And then at the hostel… I get shy at first… in terms of meeting people in hostels.. connecting with and recruiting travel buddies.. as much as I want them, I am hesitant to get too close to others… to rely too much on others.. I am much too good at being free.. unattached… but I think Cambodia is a place I might need an adventure buddy.
But I feel like I need it.
Sometimes, the best thing you can do is not think.. not wonder.. not imagine.. not obsess… Just breathe and have faith that everything will work out for the best.
Let your faith be bigger than your fear..
Stay tuned.. 😉