“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.”
“My heart wants roots. My mind wants wings. I cannot bear their bickerings.”
–E. Y. Harburg
Tuesday, August 2, 2016
I think I have a problem.
I am always dreaming of some new place to get lost in.
Last week it was Morocco.. A month ago it was Croatia.. A couple days ago it was Canary Islands.. These past days its been Cambodia..
Can I not be satisfied? It’s not that I’m not happy where I am… I’m not looking for greener pastures or thinking a certain place will make me more happy… That’s not it at all… I fall in love with every place I go… And then I get restless.. a lust for life…
Seriously tho, I fear I will never be able to settle…
Especially since I left Alabama.. I haven’t had a “home” to go to sleep in every night… staff housing or couch surfing or tents or hammocks or my car.. Everything I owned was in my car…
Since I’ve been in Europe, its been couches and staff housing and the occasional bed or tent with everything I own in my big ol’ trusty backpack..
It’s an exciting life to me! Occasionally I get the feeling I should settle… dream of having a place to call my own again.. display my pictures on my wall.. invite people over for Nintendo 64-Mario Kart parties and wine.. Maybe go on a date.. find a lover.. who knows..
But for now.. I drown that yearning with running away to a new place… dreaming of what kind of adventure I can happen upon next…
Maybe I’ll find someone to travel with.. maybe I’ll find someone to quench my thirst for adventure with their mere presence..
But, back to Cambodia..
For the past couple weeks, it has been brought up with 7 different people, all of them passionate about this beautiful country.
And I looked into it tonight.. and it looks dreamy.. and it looks perfect… wild.. untamed..
I looked on Workaway.com and found some options of places to volunteer at… stay for free in exchange for a certain amount of hours a day… most all of them on remote jungle, tropical islands with crystal waters.. no internet.. no tv.. no phones.. no electricity..
I think Europe has become too perfect.. too easy.. too close..
I feel like I need a challenge..
I need a secluded island with a handful of people.. beautiful strangers, clean beaches, untamed jungles, like minded people.. I picture something similar to where Leonardo DiCaprio ended up in the movie, The Beach, but a little less dark and crazy and cult-like.
I suppose I should make a decision soon..
I have the money to shoot over there after camp.. run away into the jungle and get lost a couple months.. or more..
I honestly don’t want to know who gets elected president anymore. I don’t want to go back.
I don’t want burgers.. I won’t miss fries or pizza.. I want fruit.. All the fruit.. rice.. sunsets.. coconuts.. rain.. won’t miss a bed if I have a hammock.. won’t miss my phone if I have good company.. I don’t want to-never did- get shit faced every night at a bar.. I want a few drinks with beautiful people looking up at the stars or wandering the streets of a new city or weaving in between palm trees.. I don’t want to spend my time laying around in a hammock either.. I want to DO. I want to LIVE. The workaway options sound perfect… Keeping me busy most of the day with time leftover for getting to know people and getting lost.. I want to jump in the ocean or a waterfall instead of having to shower everyday.. I don’t want to have to look in mirrors or worry about what clothes to wear.. I want to walk barefoot forever and not be looked at like I’m crazy… I want to get away.. It would be difficult to go without music, but I am positive there will be ways of making music on the island…
what have I got to lose?
Fuck it, let’s do it.
…but might wait a week to book the tickets in case I find somewhere else (or someONE else) to get distracted by…
“You’ll need coffee shops and sunsets and road trips. Airplanes and passports and new songs and old songs, but people more than anything else. You will need other people and you will need to be that other person to someone else, a living breathing screaming invitation to believe better things.”