Be soft…


Friday July 29,2016

Day 70

Coppet, Switzerland 
This is my mantra. 

I whole heartedly live this. 

Even before someone sent me this little ditty, saying it reminded them of me. 

As with everyone, I’ve dealer with my fair share of negativity. Of bullies. Of people intentionally or not, trying to bring me down. 

Especially in these past two years. There have been plenty of times where all I could do was sit and cry it all out. That sick feeling of betrayal. Of losing everything. Of losing someone. That deep feeling in the pit of your stomach. Everyone and everything around me is sucked far far away and it is just me. There. Alone. Shattered. 

Like that time in Portland when I came home from the last week of summer camp, running a temperature of 101.3, my body heating, sweating, shivering. It hurt to breathe. Pneumonia. All my co staff were getting pumped to go out and celebrate the end of camp. Happy energy. Clean vibes were all around. 

When we got back to base camp where our cars were, and after we unloaded, we all headed back to our cars. 

My front passenger window was shattered. The remains of it lay scattered both inside and outside the car. 

Oh shit. I just wanted to go somewhere and sleep. This can’t be real. 

I looked in the back. There was nothing. I looked in the trunk. There was nothing. 

My car was empty except for shattered glass 

Back up: I about 8 months before I got rid of everything I owned except what I could fit in my car. Everything I cherished was in my car. 

And now I had nothing. 

My new tent was gone that I had just splurged on. My rock climbing gear is been collecting over the years. All my clothes…. 

But most of all. More than all that stuff. 

Was the little things 

The amethyst my latest CouchsurfEr gave me as a parting gift to help me on my travels. The pictures and thank you notes the kids at camp had been writing me throughout the summer. The little army man I found while gallivanting around in Seattle with an old friend. The agate bracelet I was given while at a drum circle in Asheville. 

The little things that meant more to me than any expensive thing that could be bought. 

And I remember the first thing I thought was, “welllll at least a homeless man now has a home”. 

And then everything around me suuuckedddddd away. I couldn’t see. Couldn’t stand. 

My world, not just my window, was shattered. My car, my things, my personal belongings were violated. Taken from me. 

But, yet. At least someone else has them. I can rest my mind thinking that maybe somewhere someone less fortunate than I gets to use my clothes, my tent, my hammock… Or sell them for much needed money. 

My coworkers pitched in with sympathy, but I could not hear them. Could not utter a word. 

I got a new (to me) tent from the cook. I could camp again 🙂

Life is beautiful. 

Every time I get down on this trip. Lonely. The language barrier too much. 

Someone comes from out of nowhere and lights up my world simply by talking to me. 

Everything happens for a reason. 

Every time I think my world is ending, I pick my head up, move on, and an rewarded with the next beautiful thing to come my way. 

Never give up. Never surrender. 

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